Each of us has experienced an internal breakdown — military man, musician and sculptor Anton Derbilov
Anton was among those volunteers who, in the early days of the large-scale invasion, joined the ranks of the Ukrainian defenders. He is a smiling, frank, direct man. A creative person who created sculptures, played ukulele, danced flamenco. He has been fighting for the last year, and he is also doing it skillfully. He tells succinctly, without water, how he decided to mobilize, about military routine, about offensive and defense.
With Anton we start a conversation about one of the cases during the “mission”. He jokingly talks about his new routine: how he changed approaches to positions and shot RPGs.
Have you had any experience with the military?
— In 2008, my friend organized an airsoft team and I played in it for 5 years. This experience helped me a lot, because at the beginning there was no time to study. We were assembled in a hurry, we had to meet the Russians on the outskirts of Kharkov.
How did the war start for you?
— On February 24, I was shocked, I could not understand how this is possible in the 21st century. On February 25, I was looking for a place where I could join the ranks of the Ukrainian army. Only on February 26 I joined the 5th Slobozhanska Brigade.
— Your unit took part in the Kharkiv counter-offensive. Which settlements were liberated?
— On the eve of the counteroffensive, we were based near Balakliya. On September 6, we went on the offensive. For us, the standard is Balakliya. We went there first. The locals did not give us passage: they cried, hugged, kissed, fell to their knees, gave their children into their arms. It's nice to remember it now. Next was Izium, Pidlyman and Borove.
In Podliman we came from a corner where the enemy was not waiting for us. We checked the documents from the locals, inspected the basements. And here, over the bridge at a distance of fifty meters, tanks begin to move towards us. We took the fight, we were attacked from three sides. The shells were right between us. Explosions destroyed homes and garages. I see how my brothers are already packed into the yard. The last I heard from him: “back, back.” Then we realized that he was “two hundred”. The next day we carried the dead, wounded, weapons and BC in our hands. An adjacent unit parallel to us was supposed to repulse a section of the road, but they were knocked out. Therefore, there was no evacuation and we walked about 5 kilometers.
Is there a craving for creativity?
“During the year of the war, I painted one portrait of my brother for his birthday. There is a craving for creativity, but there is no strength. I just don't have the resources. In the war, I realized: to draw, you need to have inner peace. When you draw, you express and transfer to creativity your mood. When I live in anxiety and anxiety, I find it difficult to draw.
— In the year of the war, are you not used to the army yet?
I joined the army at the age of 42. A person who has his own habits, internal traditions, nuances and rules. I am an artist, so I had nothing to do with the war and the army at all. War and the army is something I wasn't prepared for.
Have you changed your attitude towards death?
“Before the war, I thought I was philosophical about death. But when you see her every day with your own eyes, it's hard. When you can't wash your brother's blood off your hands for three days, it's hard. And understand: no one is ready for this. If we returned from the war externally physically intact, without scratches and wounds, then inside everyone experienced a fracture.
— Do you sleep well?
— At the front, under shelling in the trench, I have the calmest dream. In the back sometimes there are difficult dreams, and even, horrors.
Is there only talk of peace in the war? What are they talking about in the front door?
We understand that it is very naive to make plans. But still, we are simple people. We all hope and fantasize about something. Favorite topic is how it will be next, how we will meet after the war, who and what business together will be able to create. At war, there were random people who simply could not meet in ordinary life. And I am very grateful for my brothers, some of whom have become my friends.
National Guard of Ukraine
